9. aphorisms
couldn’t call me mine
i’m about to play my nine
no blushing, no royal flushes
i’m not a card game
remember.
there are no aces around
king doesn’t mean a thing
darling, i’m the queen
you’re just someone who lost
you may escape to the depths but that’s where i was born. i know the minds best hiding places because i’m the one who put them there.
my kindness isn’t naiveté.
it’s intelligence.
my kindness isn’t an oversight.
it’s a decision.
my kindness isn’t weak.
it’s a gift or a weapon.
my kindness is the inner peace
i choose to carry on me.
my kindness is unwavering because
it’s an oath i’ve sworn to with myself.
keep me well watered
i don’t want to starve now that i have you
my baby
my darling
earth
sun and moon.
you know that.
i even gave you my venus and mars
because i trusted you with them
same meaning, two ways
math & time
clocks + calendars
you + i
remember
when
you
run.
i’ve been imagining you since i got here.
no one else would do.
you put me at the bottom.
that was your first mistake.
the dark doesn’t bother me.
that’s why you got bored keeping watch.
i’ll go for hours unbothered.
waiting, patiently, for you.
you didn’t know until i told you.
but you know i’ll always tell you.
i don’t wanna ever be completely alone
until i have you in my possession.
don’t be possessive.
it’s unbecoming.
it’s not strong.
it looks weak.
strength is in feeling the knowing.
i’m not young.
i’m light.
i move like the sun.
i shine like the sun.
i orbit like the sun.
around you.
only you, like this.
only you, ever.
scorpios don’t need bodies.
we have the eyes.
you can’t set boundaries if you don’t know what they’re going around. boundaries are not walls, they’re gates that protect our sensitivities. unprotected sensitives get projected onto others in the form of insecurities.
sensitivity (internal), insecurity (external). that’s why when you don’t identify them with yourself, other people show you what they are.if you can’t see within, you’re going to show through. you either learn your insecurities and protect them with boundaries or you only have yourself to blame.
consciousness = collective awareness
self-consciousness = just you
there’s a reason we have to clarify the meaning when we use the word.
i'm very religious, i just don't listen to other people's opinions about my faith and i don't need elaborate stories to coax me into believing. i just am.
i’ll get down on whatever fucking level people are on for every conversation. i’ll meet you where you’re at for any occasion but please don’t touch me if you’re taking my hand to pull me down instead of using it to get up. i love learning about all the layers of human. don’t u?
do you have two left feet
or do you just not want me
my sadness,
my gaping hole
until my whole world
fits into yours
i crawl out too fast for you.
but that’s how you know.
I always forgive people.
But, I do it by setting boundaries.
It’s just that sometimes my boundary is not needing to have them in my life anymore.
i’ve recently been meditating on the meaning of my own birthday bar code 091919911119 and why it feels like the rhythm of my life is a series of deaths and rebirths. it feels like i am the flower blossoming and the cause for its own destruction.
suspended in the darkness
i just hope i don’t let go
and let the suspense
kill me.
before you reach out for me.
the reason i treat everyone with so much love, kindness and respect is because i know that’s what i’m worthy of. if i allow myself to be treated with standards lower than my own i’m teaching myself i’m less than. and i haven’t been a fool since my 20s ended.
i know exactly how rare of a find i am. do u?
don’t worry because i saw you on the trail.
you gave me a wave hello this time.
you thought i was waving to you.
but i was just fixing my glasses.
you remembered after.
you thought i should’ve looked sad.
1 an introducing of two.
2 the madness.
3 the sadness.
4 pressed play.
5 dizzying.
6 bliss.
7 felt light.
8 saw dark.
9 ended it all.
i know it’s been raining a lot but the downpour has yet to arrive.
aries 0
taurus 1
gemini 0
cancer 1.
leo 0*
virgo 1
libra O
scorpio l
sagittarius O
capricorn l
aquarius O
pisces l
you knew by 46
i’d start thinking about playing my 9
i don’t want to do this all the time
i need sunshine
your choice may have been made in silence but it was heard loud and clear.
pixelated photo.
just toes on a beach.
probably yours.
if not you know the story of it.
she took your love and gave it away.
you gave to her every night.
regretfully, now.
you’d never share both sides
before meeting me.
you knew i’d need you to split.
i’m getting dizzy.
are you spinning me.
i’m starting to blue.
no.
blur.
until you hand me a rose
you’ll have to wonder.
only one for me, thanks.
a bouquet is embarrassing.
who needs that much proof.
fears come from our feelings of infeariority
i’m inferior = i fear i’m less than
if i’m less than, i must fear what i don’t have
everyone feels fear, confident people just don’t let it stop them from doing what they want. do what you want and your life will change miraculously.
why do i feel like the places i grow flowers are the same ones i aim for when my earth quakes?
naked. barren. laying there.
all i had to my name was
ur wet sweetness
i’d never run dry again
and that was enough for me
what if every time something bad happens to you it’s just a test if you can still feel joy
what if every time you don’t get something you want it’s just a test to see if you really cared
what if every time life goes to shit it’s just a test if you’re even still alive
I don’t hope for things.
I claim them as mine.
And then wait for their arrival.
It’s so hard for me to be one person
I like to be everyone
so out of this world
he’d pick up a dandelion just to smell it
Blinded by your brightness, scorned by your darkness. I’d curse you now.
with you my grotesque shape
becomes a work of art