8. you thought i should’ve looked sad
Do you ever wonder what your purpose is here?
Like really wonder?
Like you don’t just ask the question and start crying because you don’t know the answer yet, instead you really really ponder it. You think about everything that’s happened to you and happens to you.
And you wonder why?
Why you? Why me? Why this? Why that?
Why not you? Why not me? Why not this? Why not that?
Why? Why? Why?
I could sit and contemplate this all day and never get bored. It’s the best way to think about life. Nothing feels better than taking inventory of all that’s gone on and wondering why the fuck it did. how the fuck could it?
If I believe everything is unfolding as it should...
if I truly believe in the unfolding of my life... then how could the reason for my existence not be within the details of it?
What I’ve come to conclude about myself, whether I like it or not -
It doesn’t feel like I’ve had a say in what my purpose is in this lifetime but it feels rightfully chosen.
I am calmed when I get to the core of its meaning.
I’m here to bring people to their depths.
I’m here to be your safe and caring guide as we pass through the underworld.
I feel safe in the darkness of our minds.
I can hop from my mind to another’s mind.
I like when words paint pictures.
I like when feelings are presented poetically and not shamefully.
Part of bringing people to their depths is I’m the first person they meet when they arrive there.
I am the first and final blow. It’s on the way in or the way out.
I am sometimes the only one people punch at.
I can withstand the arrows without wounds imprinted on me.
But that doesn’t mean I deserve to be hit.
It’s okay if people need to express themselves in the darkest of ways.
But part of learning about yourself is knowing how to swing without shattering a mirror.
I am the beautifully ordained, universally adored, antique mirror everyone wants to catch a glimpse in.
(Note: this one, the reader should be jealous of)
I don’t shatter, I reflect the shattering.
I mold myself for you without taking your shape.
I used to absorb people’s feelings.
I used to absorb people’s stories.
Now, I present them back to you.
I’ve learned to hold hands without touching your bad energies.
I’ve learned what’s good and what’s bad, for me.
I don’t get sad about being sad anymore.
I don’t get sad just because you want me to.
Anymore.