5. i want a husband for all the wrong reasons
I don’t want a husband that provides for me.
I don’t want a husband that takes care of me.
I don’t want a husband that cooks and cleans for me.
I don’t want a husband that fixes things for me.
I don’t want a husband that has to love me unconditionally.
I don’t want a husband that’s bound to me contractually.
I don’t want a husband that helps me survive.
I don’t want a husband that keeps me alive.
I don’t want a husband that protects me from others.
I don’t want a husband that will do the things i don’t want to do.
I don’t want a husband that fills in the holes of the things i lack.
Because i do not lack any of these things.
Because I’ve spent my life building ladders
So that no one had to fill my holes.
I don’t want to be dug out,
I want a light shined on me.
My ladders, your light.
Climbing up only to descend again.
Climbing down only to ascend again.
Up and down. To and From.
I want a husband that will feel like light shining down on me.
I want a husband that will expand me.
I want a husband that will have fun with me.
I want a husband that will get high and make art with me.
I want a husband that will make art out of me.
I want a husband that will sit at a bar with me and discuss the way the world works with me.
I want a husband that will engage with the world with me.
I want a husband that will give me grace for being who i am.
I want a husband that will teach me how to give myself grace for being who i am.
I want a husband that will teach me things i don’t know about myself.
I want a husband that will tell me why all the other men didn’t have the courage to be my husband.
I want a husband that will tell me why all the ones i was once so desperate to be loved by, could never love me back.
I want a husband that will be a mirror to me.
I want a husband that will see in me all the things i haven’t seen in me yet.
I want a husband that will reflect the beauty of the world back to me.
I want a husband that will sit comfortably in the darkness of the well with me.
I want a husband that will want to know me even as i grow into a new me.
I want a husband that will grow with me in any direction the wind blows us.