3. the cherry blossoms
I didn’t want to be like you. I didn’t want to be so careless with my love. I wasn’t like you in that way. I knew that. I knew I had spent years practicing how to give love. I was much more confident and intentional than you were. I’m fearless with my love. I don’t keep track of how much love I’m handing out. But I tally how much I get back in return. And you couldn’t keep up. I thought you could. I know you can. But you didn’t.
You see, the problem is me. But you’re the one who got it wrong. You’re the one who drew up battle plans when you should’ve been picking roses. You spent your time drafting pyramid schemes, building the finest armor to hide behind. I let you waste your time because I never intended to enter through war. I only needed to knock at your door. I only wanted access to let me walk your gardens. I knew the combination to the lock. But needed permission to enter the grounds.
Standing in a white linen dress. Cherry blossoms in my braided hair. I waited so long, I took a seat. I was looking up at the clouds thinking about what our children might be like, when I heard the cannon fodder go in. By the time I sat up the sky was dark, the cold air coming from the west. Even the shores froze on your command. Nothing made a sound but the light of your match. I couldn’t believe it. You made me get up running. No time to say goodbye. Not if I wanted to see past the blow.
So I ran. Just like you taught me to. Just like I had seen you do. I ran away but not because I was like you. No, I wasn’t scared to give love. I was scared of what you would do to me now that I had given you mine. I thought you were getting the castle ready for its next masterpiece. I saw you were the master of me. But you didn’t master me, did you. I heard glasses ring but it wasn’t the china being shined. It was a bomb being dropped.
How it ends doesn’t matter to me, as long as I don’t die. As long as I’ve got me, I’ve got the beauty only a woman could have. And you could never. I wanted your love. You sparked wars instead. No love given, no love taken. We were dead in the field.
I didn’t know how much time had passed while I was grazing in the lawn. But when I got back from running, I checked the clock. You kept me waiting outside so long. The time was 9:38pm. I couldn’t believe it. My face scorched and my eyes red. You took my sunshine and gave me a sunburn. You were always so greedy when it came to love.