2. i’m in the womb
The darkness had encompassed me again.
At first, I thought it was because of you. I thought you walked me to the well, held my hand as you, politely, let me go in first - so chivalrous of you - then dropped me. I thought I was falling to my death but you didn’t let me go very far. You only needed enough distance so I couldn’t reach you on my own. So I couldn’t crawl out. You didn’t want to hurt me. You just wanted to test me. How thoughtful.
You wanted to see how long I could withstand the bottom. That was your first mistake. You thought you were the only one who could hold your breath underwater. You thought the ocean was yours. That was your second mistake. A man is no match for a woman when it comes to wombs. You may enjoy the view, get a load of the fun but the oceans are ours. You can erupt volcanoes on every coast but the changing of the tides will always be me.
When I first arrived, I was distraught. Unsettled and disoriented. I was hopeless. I deemed you unforgivable. Hated myself for speaking to the sky about you. I read my words again and shredded the pages. I said “how. dare. he.” in the mirror. But then I opened my eyes and I looked around. It only took me a few seconds to remember this place.
It wasn’t a pit carved out of the earth. It was my womb. Not a tomb. I wasn’t brought down here by you. I let you lead me where I needed to go. You brought me to this place. You’re why I was being reborn.
What were once stone cold walls, now my flesh and blood. I was warm now. I remember now. I was born in these depths. The darkness, my first home. I wasn’t dragged here against my will. I was taken home.
Thank you for walking me home.