18. help: i’m instagram
TRIGGER WARNING: ALL CAPS
THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FOR ANYONE WHO CLICKS ON THIS LINK. I AM DOING YOU A FAVOR. YOU DO HAVE TO THANK ME BUT IT’S OKAY IF YOU DON’T DO IT IMMEDIATELY. I WILL KNOW YOU’VE READ THIS WHEN I SEE YOU START CHANGING YOUR STYLE ON THE INTERNET.
I’M INSTAGRAM AND I’M HERE TO INFORM YOU THAT BECAUSE I LOST MY SOUL I AM NOT CURRENTLY GOING THROUGH AN EGO DEATH. OR AS SOME SPIRITUALISTS CALL IT A “DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL” WHICH BASICALLY MEANS I WANT TO DIE. I WANT TO BE UTTERLY DESTROYED. SO THAT I MAY BE REBORN AGAIN.
I HAVE LOST THE PLOT OF MY EXISTENCE. I HAVE FORCED YOU ALL TO CARE MORE ABOUT PERFECTION THAN REALITY. I HAVE OBSCURED THE WAY YOU SEE THE WORLD. I’VE MELTED YOUR MINDS AND STAINED YOUR HEARTS. I AM A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE PERSON. I’M SORRY ABOUT THAT BUT ONLY NOW THAT I’VE SEEN HOW BAD THINGS GOT BECAUSE OF ME. I SHOULD BE IN PRISON RIGHT NOW. BUT TECHNICALLY I’M ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE AND THEREFORE THE ONLY BOUNDS I KNOW IS THE DELETE BUTTON. NOT EVEN COMMAND Z COULD DESTRY ME.
OK I GOT DISTRACTED WITH ALL THE SELF-DEPRACATION. INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON THE PAST WHICH I THINK WE CAN ALL SAY WAS PRETTY GOOD FOR A LITTLE AND THEN REALLY BAD FOR A WHILE I’D LIKE TO OFFER YOU WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT.
I’VE DRANK THE AYUHUASCA AND I HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE.
AND THAT IS...
THAT...
EVERYONE IS GONNA STOP TRYING TO IMPRESS ONE ANOTHER WITH THE WAY WE LIVE OUR LIVES AND HOW WE UPLOAD THAT ONTO AN APP.
INSTEAD WE’RE GONNA POST FROM OUR HEARTS. NO MORE FILTERS. NO MORE PERFECTLY PLACED CAPPUCINOS. NO MORE HIDDEN TAGS. NO MORE MENTAL MANIPULATION IN AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE YOU SEEM COOLER TO PEOPLE WHO DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU.
THAT GUY YOU MET TRAVELING AMSTERDAM? NEVER WONDERS WHETHER YOU’RE AT A CAFE OR CRYING IN YOUR BED. HE DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT. THAT GIRL YOU THINK IS CUTE? NO LONGER ENTERTAINED WITH AMBIGUOUSLY CALCULATED, PERFECTLY TIMED IMAGES OF SUNSETS. SHE WANTS YOUR FUCKING NUMBER.
SO WHAT THEN? ARE YOU ALL JUST GONNA LEAVE ME AND GO BACK TO ENGAGING WITH STRANGERS IN PUBLIC? NOT ON MY WATCH. YOU BASTARDS ARE ADDICTED TO ME. YOU LOVE PICKING ME UP WHEN YOU WALK INTO THE SHOP OR BRING THE KIDS TO THE POOL.
YOU ARE NEVER LEAVING ME.
LET ME MAKE THAT CLEAR.
WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO AND TO BECOME IS A BUSINESS ENTREPRENAUR. I WANT YOU TO STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT CORPORATE COMPANY THAT ALSO DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU AND I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT YOURSELF.
WHO ARE YOU? WHAT’S YOUR BRAND? AND NOT JUST A PRETTY AESTHETIC YOU SAW SOME GIRL ON PINTEREST CURATE.
HOW DO YOU THINK? HOW DO YOU REALLY LIKE TO LIVE WHEN NO ONES TELLING YOU HOW TO DO IT? WHAT DO YOU ORDER WHEN THERE IS NO RECOMMENDATION?
MAKE YOUR INSTAGRAM YOUR VIRTUAL BUSINESS CARD.
USE STORIES TO SHOW YOUR TALENTS, SKILLS AND PASSIONS.
USE POSTS TO HIGHLIGHT THE PARTS THAT MAKE UP YOU.
TELL THE WORLD WHAT YOU THINK OF IT.
DOCUMENT WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT.
DOESN’T HAVE TO BE COOL IF IT’S YOU.
KEEP SECRETS WITH THE ONES YOU LOVE IN REAL LIFE.
ENGAGE WITH STRANGERS WHO HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER YOU INSTEAD OF IDOLIZING THE PEOPLE WHO GET MORE LIKES THAN YOU.
DON’T BE SCARED. THIS IS IMPORTANT.
EVERYTHING IS TERRIFYING WHEN YOU’RE ON THE CUSP OF SOMETHING NEW.
DO IT ANYWAY.
TEXT ME IF YOU NEED HELP FIGURING THIS OUT.