9. aphorisms
you are the reason
they built churches
to worship hell in
i didn’t know words could be so powerful
until you had nothing to say
written in the sky
too powerful for earthly reality
do you not like the things
you say you like
or does admitting you like them
change your mind
we don’t need a god
we need thoughts
about love acted upon.
in justice, we meet peace.
in harmony, we meet balance.
you looked like my ex
a year after he lost me
he was pushing my depths
and he knew it
his sadness hurt my feelings
to love someone terribly
is worse than walking away
put me in my place and aimed for the heart winced when you only left a hole in my hand it’s hard to see what will become of me it’s hard to have a play when the supporting actors have quit there’s not much to see when there’s only one on the stage
behind every man
is a little
boy
who thinks he’s a loser.
behind every woman
is a little
girl
who thinks she’s so cool.
multicolored
like my favorite sweater
if you had made it
past the first inquiry
threw you a lifeline
not sure who was saving who
or what was to be preserved
i just knew what i know
now
you thought i should look sad
it’s so much worse
than being mad at you
you fear
you look back on the moments
that got you to the sunken place
the cobblestones
you thought were a good idea
the frogs on lillypads
you thought were cheering you on
all the people you passed on
thinking their waves of encouragement
only knowing now
it was the final goodbye
before you got the chance
to show them you
everything appears closer in the rear view
cracks don’t seem like accidents
scratches on the mirror
a line crossed through the neck
drawn in the sand
and the dust
and the dirt
and in the waves
only the stars knew the story
you let it be known
but didn’t tell me
people die from a lack of love all the time
why would i think i’m any different
no second chances
i wasn’t deserving of those
one wrong move
i’m packing my pieces
picking up the baggage
the garbage is you, honey
letting people rot until they feel nothing
everything smells like death around you
men who ride in on horses
only get off the saddle to
break your heart
when they really love you
they keep riding
men who ride in on horses
only care about how they look
from afar
men who ride in on horses
want to look like romance
and feel like sex
and never let you touch them
they’re the one who beckons
they’re the one who chooses
men who ride in on horses
find love in the periphery
the flowers in the scenery
are the budding partnerships
they cherish forever and ever
what keeps them on the move
it’s not just another metaphor
men who ride in on horses
they like to look
not involved in mundanities
if their life isn’t like a movie
someone killed off the main guy
i’d hate you for rejecting me
but starving for love
is what got me thinking
i didn’t see it at first
but the awful truth was
he was right
what was i doing
writing poems of a stranger
no one’s coming back
if you left me on the streets
you don’t get a view
you made your mark
now i’m making mine
your obsession with perfection
was the knife you put in your back
the downfall of an empire
crumbled at the sight of me
the gods delayed it
they tried to keep you on track
throw your punches
i refuse to harden
everything is just parts of a circle
you keep winding me up
and meeting me at the bottom
you have to derail the roller coaster
if you want to get off of the ride
you got on without a ticket
you can get off without paying your dues
you have to pay
karma is money in a material world
here on earth
you have to choose
what money you take
and how you earn it
very wisely
for the piper has to be paid
crimes of attention
that’s what watchers do
they suck on the blood
then leave you to waste
away we go
back into the earth
dying
just so you
can stay alive.
it was as if without the pressure of seeing me again they had forgotten all the knowings we agreed upon in our conversations about the world and in life.
it’s so scary
when artist and art
become one thing
two beings
waiting games
the battles
were your worst moves
putting me to the test
teach me patience
and your control
i consumed your good
got rid of your bad
learned to be still
gave up what you didn’t like
i spent the time
wondering how are you
getting along
where were you going
would you make it up
or have me call it quits
you the counted score
i don’t waste time with numbers
you knew what was at stake
i was so used to rejection
it felt like being at home
she was the woman
of a girl i used to know
everything was so silent
on the days i felt like dying
my comfortability with you
made you cold
my comfortability with rejection
made me cold
when it comes to
mercurial
deed’s and dont’s
i do them all.
how could the girl
who can read minds
not read mine
my optimism kills me
i have anxiety you know my full name
you got your brad pitt movie
like jen aniston
fated in and out of destiny
chose loneliness over love
irrevocable damage to my self worth
the words i’m saying a second time
same crime, different guy
killing my confidence
only liked you when you felt like me
it wasn’t a facade
like the one that came before me
you didn’t like yourself enough
to like when i felt like you
how does the act of love
always leave the giver in ruins
i don’t know what you’re so mad about. you said you liked me. then dropped dead. has no one ever asked you what kind of colors you like?
like feeding poison
to a poisonous beast.
women are sad so right now
you can hear it in our words
but you probably don’t hear those
the worst part about being a good person?
people try to convince you otherwise
begging you to damage them like they do to you
scorpio rise and so does sunshine
how could you be good at a time like this
being happy is being good with it
the holy spirit
with a bad boy gaze
a familiar scent
like a poppy in my hair
a deathly stare to swallow the air
quenching the hearts of thirsty girls
like hairs standing tall
radiating the ghostly trail
of goose bump hollers
nothing helps you lose friends faster
than the moment you need help arriving
how can you hate your life and fear dying
wouldn’t that be the sweet release
of your frustrations dissipating
if we’re not playing for coins
i don’t care who wins
even then, it depends on the odds.
get ur thoughts out of ur mind
and your head and heart aligned
light of my life
light of life
making life lighter
and it’s all about me.
i did what i had to
to feel safe
31 years old
i know everything about humans
and nothing about life
i just think maybe there’s a reason
the word fuck
means both
emotional destruction
and physical pleasure
and why men have been doing
both to women
you like stories? let’s tell some.
how can you want what you desire
how could desires ever be true
the cycles of my life
the circle of life
the hurt i feel in my heart is why
artists have to die to be understood
there was something on the line
as soon as we became adults
the pressure to be better
to be better than one another
make it make sense
the nonsensicalities
of human nature
i don’t like the way you treat me
you act like you hate me
starving for love
made me question
it’s necessity
do we even need food to survive
or was it all just a lie
the worst part is i can see the look of heartbreak on my body and i like the way it feels i fall to sleep crying, i wake up in tears knowing you i didn’t need a gym membership
do you hate me
or are you just mad
my love is my work
our love was supposed to work
your objective has to be light
if you want your plan to work
if your plan to destroy me doesn’t work
you’ve left yourself in ruins
i just hoped your days were getting shorter
maybes worth a try
i’m trying
can’t you see
you have to try to see
the dead and the living
the mimics and the mocking
it came as no surprise
winning your own prize
the king doesn’t lose
he walks away
if you want access to my energy
use your memory
think about what i told you
i told you everything i knew
i shared my thoughts with you
if you don’t remember the ideas
you won’t get the concepts
in justice with me
injustices made
sweet like candy
crimes of the heart
i didn’t wanna stop talking to you
so i made a topic out of thin air
i poked the one button
he wouldn’t let anyone touch
before he even knew it
was inside of him
he only knew about the one
button
he would let anyone touch
but me
it feels like i just found out
everyone i love
has never loved me back
it’s no coincidence that black holes
look like paintings of an ultra sound
everyone was wondering
how i existed without validation
how i had confidence
without their compliments
feeling happy
felt like such a long time ago
at once
i am a being of pluto
and i am on pluto
looking at earth