7. the virgin mary
I’ve been thinking about the internet a lot. I mean, how could you not? It is at every second interval of our lives nowadays. I’ve been thinking about how burnt out I am by being percieved and how convenient it is of me to be thinking this now. When I have nothing to offer the internet in terms of like-minded content. I do not like the things you like. I do not travel to get the picture perfect portrait on the balcony of a five star restaurant, I travel to get the bite-sized wisdom that can only come from the life of the man serving me my food. Something only the mind can capture and not a camera.
And I’ve been watching you. All of you. I’ve been sitting back and observing. I’ve been absorbing the way you live your lives. Not with judgement, with curiosity. Sometimes jealousy although I will admit, I am not a very jealous person. I do not want what you have. I have found inspiration in you, of course. But I have not seen anyone doing what it is I seek to be. I hear your eyes roll at that sentiment. As if I’ve broken character with my serious, philosophical tone. I have thought about it and I do not believe there is one person on my path thus far that percieves me the way I truly am. Maybe this is a feeling everyone feels. Maybe this is just a part of the human experience. I do not know, this is my first time being alive.
I am writing because something inside me keeps telling me my voice is my calling. It’s not my intelligence per say but the way I can communicate. It’s an accumulation of all the people I have met, all the people I have spoken with. Listened to. Observed, absorbed, recieved. When I’m not speaking to you, I’m speaking to me. Deep in contemplation. Wondering about you, about me, about the connection of all beings.
The truth is I’m glad my life has become sacred. That I am called to privacy, to protection. I have seen what can happen when my spirit flies in the sky, boasting its beauty and where there was once a yearning for likes, is now a terror of exposing my coordinates. The micro hit moments of fame are not worth the war. And so I just watch you now. And one day, I’ll have seen it all.