always desired
never wanted

which is so sad for me

because to desire something
but not want it
means you don’t think you deserve it
enough to ask for it

and even though i’ve done nothing
deliberately
to make you think that
it’s somehow my fault

i’m somehow to blame for your insecurities
i never quite figured out the math on that

you take your doubts out on me
the same one you wish to have

and all the while
i’m picking up on this
i can’t say a word

an admission of knowing

your insecurities

could put a good girl
in harms way

again

i know

i’ll be in trouble if you ever find out
how much i know about you

and the truth is
it’s not that i know you
it’s that i know

this

i know this thing we’re doing

the hidden feelings
the unspoken thoughts
the wish you woulds
and the would you wants

it happens all the time
you’re the only one knew to this

i’ve been getting

this

my whole life

why do you think i’m so tired
and teary-eyed

why do u think i’m so weak
and wounded

you look at me with a glimmer in your eye
and i feel miserable

i know what’s about to happen
it’s the same thing every time

i have no way of putting an end to it
without getting shot in the chest

i never get to show you, me
i never get to show you me, with you

im just another good looking girl
you wish you could want

i’m your bad habit
of speechlessness

no, i’m sorry  for bothering you