15. nick gradone
i cried the first time a boy ever asked me to be his girlfriend. i was in sixth grade. he did it in the gymnasium in front of the whole grade. i can’t remember if it was P.E. or a rainy recess. but i know i was sat against the wall with my girl friends. just chillin. having a good time. i said no. i didn’t want to be boyfriend and girlfriend. how outrageous. everyone got so mad at me i started crying. in front of everyone. while nick wailed in agony because i said no. in front of everyone. i just wanted to be friends with him. he was my second best friend at the time. it was me, him and nicki simon. the pickle club. with our matching green glitter pencils and i the “picklesryummy2me” AOL user.
i didn’t want a boyfriend because i didn’t want to ruin the vibe of the group dynamic. it was already starting to get hard to manage the more and more in love with me nick fell. i was in sixth grade!! i just wanted to chill and have a good time. i was happy running my tiny underground social clubs, i didn’t have time for a boyfriend. i had a fondue club in band class with a secret handshake only two other people knew about and we were contemplating a third. plus, AIM was gaining in popularity and more and more networking ideas were flooding in every day. i had a lot on my plate already.
i was busy!
anyway, i’ll never forget that day. there was so much trauma to unravel there. i don’t even know where to begin. i had no idea what the implications of telling a boy “no” was at 12 years old.
but,
i <3 nick gradone.
and one day, i’ll put that on a t-shirt and wear it around hollywood.
afterall, he was my second best friend at the time.
but we were never as close after that day in the gymnasium.
my fear of the question, realized.